Why do I do this to myself?
A simple question. But one that I'm not quite sure how to answer. Is it because I'm lonely and will do almost anything to meet that special someone? Is it because I think that I'm less than a man if I don't have someone to spend the rest of my life with? Or is it because I don't want to die a miserable old hermit, alone and cold in his bed?
Whatever the reason, all I know is that I'm frustrated. Frustrated because I've been rejected for the umpteenth time. Frustrated because I keep getting told "It's not you, it's me." Frustrated because the clock is ticking, I'm still lonely, still miserable, still, still, still.
It seems that everyone around me has found someone to settle down with and is content in their happy little lives. Meanwhile, I wallow in my self pity and misery.
The bottom line is that I'm pissed. Pissed at myself for making bad decisions. Pissed at myself for not acting when I should have. Pissed at myself for letting the world slip on by.
I thought I was doing a good thing by sending my girl friend flowers at work, but it would seem that it had the opposite affect. She called me, alright. And she didn't seem thoroughly happy at my gesture. She actually seemed kind of peeved at the fact that I caused her to get barraged with a ton of questions from her co-workers. She even called me a jerk, albeit in a joking manner.
So now, I hurt. I feel empty and hollow inside. I feel like my soul is missing. I feel alone. I'd better get used to the fact that nobody is going to ever want to marry a guy like me. I'm damaged goods, after all. I just wish someone would see me as a good and decent person and take a chance on me.
Whatever the reason, all I know is that I'm frustrated. Frustrated because I've been rejected for the umpteenth time. Frustrated because I keep getting told "It's not you, it's me." Frustrated because the clock is ticking, I'm still lonely, still miserable, still, still, still.
It seems that everyone around me has found someone to settle down with and is content in their happy little lives. Meanwhile, I wallow in my self pity and misery.
The bottom line is that I'm pissed. Pissed at myself for making bad decisions. Pissed at myself for not acting when I should have. Pissed at myself for letting the world slip on by.
I thought I was doing a good thing by sending my girl friend flowers at work, but it would seem that it had the opposite affect. She called me, alright. And she didn't seem thoroughly happy at my gesture. She actually seemed kind of peeved at the fact that I caused her to get barraged with a ton of questions from her co-workers. She even called me a jerk, albeit in a joking manner.
So now, I hurt. I feel empty and hollow inside. I feel like my soul is missing. I feel alone. I'd better get used to the fact that nobody is going to ever want to marry a guy like me. I'm damaged goods, after all. I just wish someone would see me as a good and decent person and take a chance on me.
posted by Den at 7:18 PM
1 Comments:
She wasn't pissed, she was sad, sad because her heart would like one think, but her head rules the choices she makes. She didn't mind the questions and she called you a jerk for being sweet. She is also sorry that you're hurt, but she too is trying not to get hurt.
~K~
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