What have I done to deserve this?
This weekend I was floating on Cloud Nine and today, I feel like I've been run over with a dump truck. I had an incredible date Friday night with the most remarkable woman I've met in a long, long time. It also helped that we'd met previously and had a mutual attraction then, but I was unable to act on it because I was in a relationship with my son's mother at the time.
Fast forward to almost seven years later. Unbeknownst to me, we shared a mutual friend. I knew her friend through a purely work situation and the two of them have been friends for almost 30 years. So when this friend suggested we go on a blind date, imagine my surprise when I found out it was the woman who I had feelings for all those years ago. I was ecstatic!
The date went simply well. All we did was check out a movie, but because we both had long days at work, the drinks that we'd planned on for later that evening were postponed for another time when we weren't so tired.
We talked a few times over the weekend, but the bomb dropped Sunday night when she suggested we play 20 Questions. All was going well, until she asked me about my past. Now for all of those who know me, I don't need to explain. As for the rest who don't, I'm not going to. All I will say is that I was young and made some mistakes and took responsibility for them.
That being said, the news was more than she could handle. I explained over the course of almost an hour and she said she needed to digest it. I actually felt a bit relieved over the whole thing, really. I didn't feel like I was hiding anything and she took it remarkably well. She said she didn't think any less of me and, in fact, still wanted me in her life. She even promised to call me the next day (and she did).
After last night's call ended, I almost wished she hadn't. She told me, in a nutshell, she had a lot at stake and was afraid that if we continued, she's be living like she'd have a huge secret gnawing at her. I begged and pleaded for her to think about things, and she said she would. She needs time and space to think. She also said she will call me in a couple of days. I know she will. She doesn't lie.
I just hope the good in me will outweigh all of the bad. I'd even posed that question to her. When does it outweigh the bad? When is enough, enough? When can I be accepted for who I am now and not for things that have happened to me 10 years ago?
One last thing I feel that I have to add in this little tome of mine. On Thursday, prior to our date, she had asked me to finish the quote from the movie, Airplane. You know, the one where the guy asks, "What can you make of this?" I answered correctly, which gave me "bonus points" as she called them. Last night, she asked if I knew about Fishheads, and I replied, "The Roly Poly Fishheads?" She started crying. Later she explained that none of her previous boyfriends shared in her sense of humour. We ended our conversation and I felt like crap.
During the course of my bawling, she called back, just to ask me if I was going to be okay. The answer was "No." Later, my friend Erik called, and I spent an hour chewing his ear off for advice. No sooner had I ended the call with him, I called her back, just to see if she were going to be alright. She'd told me that when she told her roommates that I knew the song, all three of them cried.
I want to call her so bad. Just to let her know I'm thinking about her, but, in a way, I think she knows. I'll do what she wants - give her space and time, but dammit, it sucks.
Fast forward to almost seven years later. Unbeknownst to me, we shared a mutual friend. I knew her friend through a purely work situation and the two of them have been friends for almost 30 years. So when this friend suggested we go on a blind date, imagine my surprise when I found out it was the woman who I had feelings for all those years ago. I was ecstatic!
The date went simply well. All we did was check out a movie, but because we both had long days at work, the drinks that we'd planned on for later that evening were postponed for another time when we weren't so tired.
We talked a few times over the weekend, but the bomb dropped Sunday night when she suggested we play 20 Questions. All was going well, until she asked me about my past. Now for all of those who know me, I don't need to explain. As for the rest who don't, I'm not going to. All I will say is that I was young and made some mistakes and took responsibility for them.
That being said, the news was more than she could handle. I explained over the course of almost an hour and she said she needed to digest it. I actually felt a bit relieved over the whole thing, really. I didn't feel like I was hiding anything and she took it remarkably well. She said she didn't think any less of me and, in fact, still wanted me in her life. She even promised to call me the next day (and she did).
After last night's call ended, I almost wished she hadn't. She told me, in a nutshell, she had a lot at stake and was afraid that if we continued, she's be living like she'd have a huge secret gnawing at her. I begged and pleaded for her to think about things, and she said she would. She needs time and space to think. She also said she will call me in a couple of days. I know she will. She doesn't lie.
I just hope the good in me will outweigh all of the bad. I'd even posed that question to her. When does it outweigh the bad? When is enough, enough? When can I be accepted for who I am now and not for things that have happened to me 10 years ago?
One last thing I feel that I have to add in this little tome of mine. On Thursday, prior to our date, she had asked me to finish the quote from the movie, Airplane. You know, the one where the guy asks, "What can you make of this?" I answered correctly, which gave me "bonus points" as she called them. Last night, she asked if I knew about Fishheads, and I replied, "The Roly Poly Fishheads?" She started crying. Later she explained that none of her previous boyfriends shared in her sense of humour. We ended our conversation and I felt like crap.
During the course of my bawling, she called back, just to ask me if I was going to be okay. The answer was "No." Later, my friend Erik called, and I spent an hour chewing his ear off for advice. No sooner had I ended the call with him, I called her back, just to see if she were going to be alright. She'd told me that when she told her roommates that I knew the song, all three of them cried.
I want to call her so bad. Just to let her know I'm thinking about her, but, in a way, I think she knows. I'll do what she wants - give her space and time, but dammit, it sucks.
posted by Den at 1:59 PM
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