The blahs
I'm sitting here tonight feeling all sorts of depressed about my ex-g/f. I really thought we connected, but I messed things up (by lying about my past) and she told me that she couldn't see me anymore. That was two weeks ago tonight. I keep hoping the phone will ring, or when I come home from work, I half expect to see her car parked in front of the house, or even get an e-mail just to let me know she misses me.
I actually got to talk to her on Monday and I felt all sorts of ill and had lumps in my throat. She did tell me that she missed me and that she thought about me often, but, the truth of the matter is that it was still over. I told her that I even thought about driving to her house (she lives in Pennsylvania) just to see her one more time. She said to me that she'd wondered if I'd do that, but then added that it was good that I didn't because she'd have sent me away. We agreed that we could remain amicably friendly with each other and I told her that I was going to give her the time and space she needed. Before the call ended, I asked her to keep in touch, but I doubt she will. I have a feeling that she's moved on, but I still think about her a lot.
I also have a feeling that it's going to get worse before it gets better. Her birthday is on Tuesday.
God, I feel like crap.
I actually got to talk to her on Monday and I felt all sorts of ill and had lumps in my throat. She did tell me that she missed me and that she thought about me often, but, the truth of the matter is that it was still over. I told her that I even thought about driving to her house (she lives in Pennsylvania) just to see her one more time. She said to me that she'd wondered if I'd do that, but then added that it was good that I didn't because she'd have sent me away. We agreed that we could remain amicably friendly with each other and I told her that I was going to give her the time and space she needed. Before the call ended, I asked her to keep in touch, but I doubt she will. I have a feeling that she's moved on, but I still think about her a lot.
I also have a feeling that it's going to get worse before it gets better. Her birthday is on Tuesday.
God, I feel like crap.
posted by Den at 7:47 PM
1 Comments:
Love is a very difficult-to-define thing although we all say we need it or want it. It's an ephemeral aspect of two poeple meeting who understand one another.
Some aspects of a person are simple to understand and accept. Others, more difficult. The trick is, I'm beginning to think, is in what comedian Eddie Murphy said: "Try to find somebody just as fucked up as you."
Because love doesn't necessarily conquer all, but understanding and acceptance in the labour of keeping love, well may.
Hang tough, man.
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